Dear Ms. Winfrey,
It is with the greatest respect and adoration of your loving spirit that I write you. As a young child, I would sit beside my mother everyday and watch your program. As a young adult, with children of my own, I spend much less time in front of the television, but I am ever thankful for the positive effect that you continue to have on our nation, history and culture. The example that you have set as someone unafraid to answer their calling, even when the reality of that calling insists that one self-actualize beyond the point of any given example, is humbling, and serves as the cornerstone of the greatest faith. You, love, are a pioneer.
I am a poet.
Growing up in Newburgh, NY, with a father as a minister and a mother as a school teacher, at a time when we fought for our heroes to be nationally recognized, I certainly was exposed to the great names and voices of our past. I took great pride in competing in my churches Black History Quiz Bowl and the countless events my mother organized in hopes of fostering a generation of youth well versed in the greatness as well as the horrors of our history. Yet, even in a household where I had the privilege of personally interacting with some of the most outspoken and courageous luminaries of our times, I must admit that the voices that resonated the most within me and made me want to speak up were those of my peers, and these peers were emcees. Rappers.
.
Yes, Ms. Winfrey, I am what my generation would call "a Hip Hop head." Hip Hop has served as one of the greatest aspects of my self-definition. Lucky for me, I grew up in the 80's when groups like Public Enemy, Rakim, The jungle Brothers, Queen Latifah, and many more realized the power of their voices within the artform and chose to create music aimed at the upliftment of our generation.
As a student at Morehouse College where I studied Philosophy and Drama I was forced to venture across the street to Spelman College for all of my Drama classes, since Morehouse had no theater department of its own. I had few complaints. The performing arts scholarship awarded me by Michael Jackson had promised me a practically free ride to my dream school, which now had opened the doors to another campus that could make even the most focused of young boys dreamy, Spelman. One of my first theater professors, Pearle Cleage, shook me from my adolescent dream state. It was the year that Dr. Dre's "The Chronic" was released and our introduction to Snoop Dogg as he sang catchy hooks like "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks..." Although, it was a playwriting class, what seemed to take precedence was Ms. Cleages political ideology, which had recently been pressed and bound in her 1st book, Mad at Miles. As, you know, in this book she spoke of how she could not listen to the music of Miles Davis and his muted trumpet without hearing the muted screams of the women that he was outspoken about "man-handling". It was my first exposure to the idea of an artist being held accountable for their actions outside of their art. It was the first time I had ever heard the word, "misogyny". And as Ms. Cleage would walk into the classroom fuming over the women she would pass on campus, blasting those Snoop lyrics from their cars and jeeps, we, her students, would be privy to many freestyle rants and raves on the dangers of nodding our heads to a music that could serve as our own demise.
Her words, coupled with the words of the young women I found myself interacting with forever changed how I listened to Hip Hop and quite frankly ruined what would have been a number of good songs for me. I had now been burdened with a level of awareness that made it impossible for me to enjoy what the growing masses were ushering into the mainstream. I was now becoming what many Hip Hop heads would call "a Backpacker", a person who chooses to associate themselves with the more "conscious" or politically astute artists of the Hip Hop community. What we termed as "conscious" Hip Hop became our preference for dance and booming systems. Groups like X-Clan, A Tribe Called Quest, Brand Nubian, Arrested Development, Gangstarr and others became the prevailing music of our circle. We also enjoyed the more playful Hip Hop of De La Soul, Heiroglyphics, Das FX, Organized Konfusion. Digable Planets, The Fugees, and more. We had more than enough positivity to fixate on. Hip Hop was diverse.
I had not yet begun writing poetry. Most of my friends hardly knew that I had been an emcee in high school. I no longer cared to identify myself as an emcee and my love of oratory seemed misplaced at Morehouse where most orators were actually preachers in training, speaking with the Southern drawl of Dr. King although they were 19 and from the North. I spent my time doing countless plays and school performances. I was in line to become what I thought would be the next Robeson, Sidney, Ossie, Denzel, Snipes... It wasn't until I was in graduate school for acting at NYU that I was invited to a poetry reading in Manhattan where I heard Asha Bandele, Sapphire, Carl Hancock Rux, Reggie Gaines, Jessica Care Moore, and many others read poems that sometimes felt like monologues that my newly acquired journal started taking the form of a young poets'. Yet, I still noticed that I was a bit different from these poets who listed names like: Audrey Lourde, June Jordan, Sekou Sundiata etc, when asked why they began to write poetry. I knew that I had been inspired to write because of emcees like Rakim, Chuck D, LL, Run DMC... Hip Hop had informed my love of poetry as much or even more than my theater background which had exposed me to Shakespeare, Baraka, Fugard, Genet, Hansberry and countless others. In those days, just a mere decade ago, I started writing to fill the void between what I was hearing and what I wished I was hearing. It was not enough for me to critique the voices I heard blasting through the walls of my Brooklyn brownstone. I needed to create examples of where Hip Hop, particularly its lyricism, could go. I ventured to poetry readings with my friends and neighbors, Dante Smith (now Mos Def), Talib Kwele, Erycka Badu, Jessica Care Moore, Mums the Schemer, Beau Sia, Suheir Hammad...all poets that frequented the open mics and poetry slams that we commonly saw as "the other direction" when Hip hop reached that fork in the road as you discussed on your show this past week. On your show you asked the question, "Are all rappers poets?" Nice. I wanted to take the opportunity to answer this question for you.
The genius, as far as the marketability, of Hip Hop is in its competitiveness. Its roots are as much in the dignified aspects of our oral tradition as it is in the tradition of "the dozens" or "signifying". In Hip Hop, every emcee is automatically pitted against every other emcee, sort of like characters with super powers in comic books. No one wants to listen to a rapper unless they claim to be the best or the greatest. This sort of braggadocio leads to all sorts of tirades, showdowns, battles, and sometimes even deaths. In all cases, confidence is the ruling card. Because of the competitive stance that all emcees are prone to take, they, like soldiers begin to believe that they can show no sign of vulnerability. Thus, the most popular emcees of our age are often those that claim to be heartless or show no feelings or signs of emotion. The poet, on the other hand, is the one who realizes that their vulnerability is their power. Like you, unafraid to shed tears on countless shows, the poet finds strength in exposing their humanity, their vulnerability, thus making it possible for us to find connection and strength through their work. Many emcees have been poets. But, no, Ms. Winfrey, not all emcees are poets. Many choose gangsterism and business over the emotional terrain through which true artistry will lead. But they are not to blame. I would now like to address your question of leadership.
You may recall that in immediate response to the attacks of September 11th, our president took the national stage to say to the American public and the world that we would "...show no sign of vulnerability". Here is the same word that distinguishes poets from rappers, but in its history, more accurately, women from men. To make such a statement is to align oneself with the ideology that instills in us a sense of vulnerability meaning "weakness". And these meanings all take their place under the heading of what we consciously or subconsciously characterize as traits of the feminine. The weapon of mass destruction is the one that asserts that a holy trinity would be a father, a male child, and a ghost when common sense tells us that the holiest of trinities would be a mother, a father, and a child: Family. The vulnerability that we see as weakness is the saving grace of the drunken driver who because of their drunken/vulnerable state survives the fatal accident that kills the passengers in the approaching vehicle who tighten their grip and show no physical vulnerability in the face of their fear. Vulnerability is also the saving grace of the skate boarder who attempts a trick and remembers to stay loose and not tense during their fall. Likewise, vulnerability has been the saving grace of the African American struggle as we have been whipped, jailed, spat upon, called names, and killed, yet continue to strive forward mostly non-violently towards our highest goals. But today we are at a crossroads, because the institutions that have sold us the crosses we wear around our necks are the most overt in the denigration of women and thus humanity. That is why I write you today, Ms. Winfrey. We cannot address the root of what plagues Hip Hop without addressing the root of what plagues today's society and the world.
You see, Ms. Winfrey, at it's worse; Hip Hop is simply a reflection of the society that birthed it. Our love affair with gangsterism and the denigration of women is not rooted in Hip Hop; rather it is rooted in the very core of our personal faith and religions. The gangsters that rule Hip Hop are the same gangsters that rule our nation. 50 Cent and George Bush have the same birthday (July 6th). For a Hip Hop artist to say "I do what I wanna do/Don't care if I get caught/The DA could play this mothaf@kin tape in court/I'll kill you/ I ain't playin'" epitomizes the confidence and braggadocio we expect an admire from a rapper who claims to represent the lowest denominator. When a world leader with the spirit of a cowboy (the true original gangster of the West: raping, stealing land, and pillaging, as we clapped and cheered.) takes the position of doing what he wants to do, regardless of whether the UN or American public would take him to court, then we have witnessed true gangsterism and violent negligence. Yet, there is nothing more negligent than attempting to address a problem one finds on a branch by censoring the leaves.
Name calling, racist generalizations, sexist perceptions, are all rooted in something much deeper than an uncensored music. Like the rest of the world, I watched footage on AOL of you dancing mindlessly to 50 Cent on your fiftieth birthday as he proclaimed, "I got the ex/if you're into taking drugs/ I'm into having sex/ I ain't into making love" and you looked like you were having a great time. No judgment. I like that song too. Just as I do, James Brown's Sex Machine or Grand Master Flashes "White Lines". Sex, drugs, and rock and roll is how the story goes. Censorship will never solve our problems. It will only foster the sub-cultures of the underground, which inevitably inhabit the mainstream. There is nothing more mainstream than the denigration of women as projected through religious doctrine. Please understand, I am by no means opposing the teachings of Jesus, by example (he wasn't Christian), but rather the men that have used his teachings to control and manipulate the masses. Hip Hop, like Rock and Roll, like the media, and the government, all reflect an idea of power that labels vulnerability as weakness. I can only imagine the non-emotive hardness that you have had to show in order to secure your empire from the grips of those that once stood in your way: the old guard. You reflect our changing times. As time progresses we sometimes outgrow what may have served us along the way. This time, what we have outgrown, is not hip hop, rather it is the festering remnants of a God depicted as an angry and jealous male, by men who were angry and jealous over the minute role that they played in the everyday story of creation. I am sure that you have covered ideas such as these on your show, but we must make a connection before our disconnect proves fatal.
We are a nation at war. What we fail to see is that we are fighting ourselves. There is no true hatred of women in Hip Hop. At the root of our nature we inherently worship the feminine. Our overall attention to the nurturing guidance of our mothers and grandmothers as well as our ideas of what is sexy and beautiful all support this. But when the idea of the feminine is taken out of the idea of what is divine or sacred then that worship becomes objectification. When our governed morality asserts that a woman is either a virgin or a whore, then our understanding of sexuality becomes warped. Note the dangling platinum crosses over the bare asses being smacked in the videos. The emcees of my generation are the ministers of my father's generation. They too had a warped perspective of the feminine. Censoring songs, sermons, or the tirades of radio personalities will change nothing except the format of our discussion. If we are to sincerely address the change we are praying for then we must first address to whom we are praying.
Thank you, Ms. Winfrey, for your forum, your heart, and your vision. May you find the strength and support to bring about the changes you wish to see in ways that do more than perpetuate the myth of enmity.
In loving kindness,
Saul Williams
Friday, April 20, 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Real Talk!!!!!!!
LESSONS IN LIFE
By Regina Brett, The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more heal ing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
< STRONG>21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read some good books. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
By Regina Brett, The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more heal ing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
< STRONG>21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read some good books. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
And you said that racism doesn't exist.......
AsianWeek has taken down the column off its website, but I managed to save a copy. By reprinting this, in no way do I support Eng's views. (Obviously!) I just thought people should be aware of this piece:
Why I Hate Blacks
Kenneth Eng, Feb 23, 2007
Here is a list of reasons why we should discriminate against blacks, starting from the most obvious down to the least obvious:
• Blacks hate us. Every Asian who has ever come across them knows that they take almost every opportunity to hurl racist remarks at us.
In my experience, I would say about 90 percent of blacks I have met, regardless of age or environment, poke fun at the very sight of an Asian. Furthermore, their activity in the media proves their hatred: Rush Hour, Exit Wounds, Hot 97, etc.
• Contrary to media depictions, I would argue that blacks are weak-willed. They are the only race that has been enslaved for 300 years. It's unbelievable that it took them that long to fight back.
On the other hand, we slaughtered the Russians in the Japanese-Russo War.
• Blacks are easy to coerce. This is proven by the fact that so many of them, including Reverend Al Sharpton, tend to be Christians.
Yet, at the same time, they spend much of their time whining about how much they hate "the whites that oppressed them."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Christianity the religion that the whites forced upon them?
• Blacks don't get it. I know it's a blunt and crass comment, but it's true. When I was in high school, I recall a class debate in which one half of the class was chosen to defend black slavery and the other half was chosen to defend liberation.
Disturbingly, blacks on the prior side viciously defended slavery as well as Christianity. They say if you don't study history, you're condemned to repeat it.
In high school, I only remember one black student ever attending any of my honors and AP courses. And that student was caught cheating.
It is rather troubling that they are treated as heroes, but then again, whites will do anything to defend them.
Why I Hate Blacks
Kenneth Eng, Feb 23, 2007
Here is a list of reasons why we should discriminate against blacks, starting from the most obvious down to the least obvious:
• Blacks hate us. Every Asian who has ever come across them knows that they take almost every opportunity to hurl racist remarks at us.
In my experience, I would say about 90 percent of blacks I have met, regardless of age or environment, poke fun at the very sight of an Asian. Furthermore, their activity in the media proves their hatred: Rush Hour, Exit Wounds, Hot 97, etc.
• Contrary to media depictions, I would argue that blacks are weak-willed. They are the only race that has been enslaved for 300 years. It's unbelievable that it took them that long to fight back.
On the other hand, we slaughtered the Russians in the Japanese-Russo War.
• Blacks are easy to coerce. This is proven by the fact that so many of them, including Reverend Al Sharpton, tend to be Christians.
Yet, at the same time, they spend much of their time whining about how much they hate "the whites that oppressed them."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Christianity the religion that the whites forced upon them?
• Blacks don't get it. I know it's a blunt and crass comment, but it's true. When I was in high school, I recall a class debate in which one half of the class was chosen to defend black slavery and the other half was chosen to defend liberation.
Disturbingly, blacks on the prior side viciously defended slavery as well as Christianity. They say if you don't study history, you're condemned to repeat it.
In high school, I only remember one black student ever attending any of my honors and AP courses. And that student was caught cheating.
It is rather troubling that they are treated as heroes, but then again, whites will do anything to defend them.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
This sounds like something I would do............
Sex in fast lane halts traffic on Israeli road
Couple snarls travel on major highway
JERUSALEM - Israeli police investigating why a car was blocking traffic in the fast lane of a major highway on Sunday found a couple inside having sex.
A police spokesman said the female driver and her male passenger gave in to their passions without pulling over to the side of the road, causing congestion and leaving other motorists having to swerve to dodge their stationary vehicle.
A patrolman gave the woman a ticket for holding up traffic.
Copyright 2007 Reuters Limited. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters.
Couple snarls travel on major highway
JERUSALEM - Israeli police investigating why a car was blocking traffic in the fast lane of a major highway on Sunday found a couple inside having sex.
A police spokesman said the female driver and her male passenger gave in to their passions without pulling over to the side of the road, causing congestion and leaving other motorists having to swerve to dodge their stationary vehicle.
A patrolman gave the woman a ticket for holding up traffic.
Copyright 2007 Reuters Limited. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Things that I would like the world to know (Part I)
1.) I am most definitely hip-hop - There arent too many people in the world that are more hip-hop than I. I love hip-hop like I love breathing. But in the same turn, I also understand that in some places hip-hop has no place at all, or if so, a very limited space. And this man that stands before you has real responsibilities. So I respect the game and move on. And while we're here........
1a.) I'm 32 years old. I am pretty good on ebonics and my lingo, but I wont quote it faithfully. So if you want to call me a geek, please feel free. If you consider my statements to be dry, ok, fine then. But I'm not a teenager, nor am I a child. Therefore, I am not going to be "hip" 24 hours a day. 'Nuff said!
1a.) I'm 32 years old. I am pretty good on ebonics and my lingo, but I wont quote it faithfully. So if you want to call me a geek, please feel free. If you consider my statements to be dry, ok, fine then. But I'm not a teenager, nor am I a child. Therefore, I am not going to be "hip" 24 hours a day. 'Nuff said!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
M.'s Motivation for the Week!
"Stay focused on your core genius. What excites you? What do you love to do? That's probably your core genius. Successful people put their core genius first! They focus on it and delegate everything else to other people on their team. When your money is acting funny, it means that you're not properly sharing your gift with the world. Work your gift. Get in where you fit in!"
Friday, January 19, 2007
I Dont Know What To Write Here.....
I'm not up for writing a long post, but I dont want to write a short one either. (Sighs)........Blogs can be rough..................lol
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
The Hardest Thing About Business and Moving Up In the World Is........
That someone always gets left behind or claims that you were not there for them. It's crazy..........I'll write an essay on this one one day...........
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Monday, January 15, 2007
24
This is a public service announcement to inform everyone that '24' is back on the air and that life stops when the show is on!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Words of Wisdom from Rev. Run......
"Men only fail because they lose enthusiasm. Many people start with a clear vision, and then when things get blurry, they stop. Never share your dream with people who don't have similar dreams. Winners hang with winners, and losers hang with losers. I don't need a crystal ball to predict your future; all I have to do is look at the company you keep."
-Rev. Run
-Rev. Run
Saturday, January 13, 2007
A Day In The Life
One day I'm going take y'all through 24 hours in the life of M............... Not now because I am about to take my R&B group to their new voice coach. More about that later.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
I See Death Around The Corner........
"I see death around the corner,
gotta stay high while I survive
In the city where the skinny niggas die
If they bury me, bury me as a G nigga,
no need to worry
I expect retaliation in a hurry
I see death around the- corner, anyday
Trying to keep it together, no one lives forever anyway
Strugglin and strivin, my destiny's to die
Keep my finger on the trigger, no mercy in my eyes
In a ball of confusion, I think about my daddy
Madder than a motherfucker, they never shoulda had me
I guess I seen too many murders, the doctors can't help me
Got me stressin' with my pistol in my sheets, it ain't healthy
Am I paranoid? - Tell me the truth
I'm out the window with my AK, ready to shoot
Ran out of indo and my mind can't take the stress,
I'm out of breath , Make me wanna kill my damn self,
but I see death around the corner"
2Pac, "Death Around The Corner"
Sighs. Another death. This time its Darrell Norman, a coworker of mine at the U.S. House of Representatives. He was the TSR (Technical Support Representative) that setup my PC when I first started there 2.5 years ago as a contractor. Outside of Fred Toney and Brenda Register, he was the first person I befriended and was source of support when I was having problems making the transition. We used to talk about football every year. He inspired to step my car game up when I saw his black BMW last year. He will definitely be missed.
James Brown. MY uncle. Darrell Norman. a few others. Who else next?
gotta stay high while I survive
In the city where the skinny niggas die
If they bury me, bury me as a G nigga,
no need to worry
I expect retaliation in a hurry
I see death around the- corner, anyday
Trying to keep it together, no one lives forever anyway
Strugglin and strivin, my destiny's to die
Keep my finger on the trigger, no mercy in my eyes
In a ball of confusion, I think about my daddy
Madder than a motherfucker, they never shoulda had me
I guess I seen too many murders, the doctors can't help me
Got me stressin' with my pistol in my sheets, it ain't healthy
Am I paranoid? - Tell me the truth
I'm out the window with my AK, ready to shoot
Ran out of indo and my mind can't take the stress,
I'm out of breath , Make me wanna kill my damn self,
but I see death around the corner"
2Pac, "Death Around The Corner"
Sighs. Another death. This time its Darrell Norman, a coworker of mine at the U.S. House of Representatives. He was the TSR (Technical Support Representative) that setup my PC when I first started there 2.5 years ago as a contractor. Outside of Fred Toney and Brenda Register, he was the first person I befriended and was source of support when I was having problems making the transition. We used to talk about football every year. He inspired to step my car game up when I saw his black BMW last year. He will definitely be missed.
James Brown. MY uncle. Darrell Norman. a few others. Who else next?
The whole of life
Everything has an influence on everything else. All the seemingly separate aspects of life are tightly intertwined.
When setting priorities and making choices, consider the whole of life. Attempting to play off one thing against another will never work for very long.
When you shortchange one part of your life, other things suffer. When you work to add value somewhere in your world, that value is reflected in other places too.
Eventually, the good, sincere, authentic things you do will exhibit their influence throughout your world. There's a way to live through each experience that will enhance and improve all the other experiences.
Think of your decisions not as discreet events, but rather as interrelated expressions of who you truly are. Realize that each action has an influence that spreads far beyond its original context.
Live as though the universe is connected to itself in ways that you cannot begin to imagine.
Know that what you do is not just for here and now, that it contributes everywhere and always to the whole of life.
-- Ralph Marston
When setting priorities and making choices, consider the whole of life. Attempting to play off one thing against another will never work for very long.
When you shortchange one part of your life, other things suffer. When you work to add value somewhere in your world, that value is reflected in other places too.
Eventually, the good, sincere, authentic things you do will exhibit their influence throughout your world. There's a way to live through each experience that will enhance and improve all the other experiences.
Think of your decisions not as discreet events, but rather as interrelated expressions of who you truly are. Realize that each action has an influence that spreads far beyond its original context.
Live as though the universe is connected to itself in ways that you cannot begin to imagine.
Know that what you do is not just for here and now, that it contributes everywhere and always to the whole of life.
-- Ralph Marston
I am upset with my parents
Technically this isnt supposed to be a forum to air out your family's dirty laundry. I dont believe in that. But my parents have been pissing me off lately and now its crazy. This goes back to my uncle's death. The long story short is that there was a miscommunication and I didnt know when my uncle's funeral was, so I couldn't make plans to go. Then when we caught up, it was like, "With your schedule, you couldn't of gone anyway!"
I'm grown. That isnt anyone's decision to make but mine. I should be able to determine how I wish to grieve. Not anyone else (Sighs!)
I'm grown. That isnt anyone's decision to make but mine. I should be able to determine how I wish to grieve. Not anyone else (Sighs!)
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
Happy Birthday Brad Crutchfield
That's been my best friend since 6th grade. We dont even need to speak anymore, our communication is that telepathic. It's crazy...............
New Year's Resolutions
Here are my New Year's Resolution's which I have a halfway decent chance of fulfilling:
1.) Go completely paperless. Anyone that has been in my house and/or apartment knows that I keep an inordinate amount of paper. What people dont realize is thet privately, it has always sickened me to my stomach but I didnt know what to do about it. By the nature of developing businesses, one is required to keep records for IRS purposes, but I've been keeping too much mail as well and its affected the overall operation of my house.
2.) Lose weight. I started in July of last year actually, and while I have seen some progress in terms of weight loss and increased energy gains, I am no where where I want or need to be. So I plan on kicking it into high gear.
3.) Make better business decisions. What sucks about business is that sometimes you need to be decisive and that hurts people's feelings. But its necessary to ensure smooth operation.
That's the list for right now!
1.) Go completely paperless. Anyone that has been in my house and/or apartment knows that I keep an inordinate amount of paper. What people dont realize is thet privately, it has always sickened me to my stomach but I didnt know what to do about it. By the nature of developing businesses, one is required to keep records for IRS purposes, but I've been keeping too much mail as well and its affected the overall operation of my house.
2.) Lose weight. I started in July of last year actually, and while I have seen some progress in terms of weight loss and increased energy gains, I am no where where I want or need to be. So I plan on kicking it into high gear.
3.) Make better business decisions. What sucks about business is that sometimes you need to be decisive and that hurts people's feelings. But its necessary to ensure smooth operation.
That's the list for right now!
Monday, January 8, 2007
Life itself
Life itself
Appreciate beauty, and suddenly you are the beauty.
Experience joy, and you become the joy.
There are times in your past that can bring a smile to your face whenever you recall them. Though those particular circumstances have long passed, the joy from them is still with you.
That joy continues to live within you. It is a part of who you are.
Because you are who you are, joy is able to experience itself again and again.
Beauty is able to know how wonderfully beautiful it is.
Through your life, love is able to feel its presence.
Truth is able to know that it is so.
You are life itself. And in this moment, the magnificent possibilities beckon.
-- Ralph Marston
Appreciate beauty, and suddenly you are the beauty.
Experience joy, and you become the joy.
There are times in your past that can bring a smile to your face whenever you recall them. Though those particular circumstances have long passed, the joy from them is still with you.
That joy continues to live within you. It is a part of who you are.
Because you are who you are, joy is able to experience itself again and again.
Beauty is able to know how wonderfully beautiful it is.
Through your life, love is able to feel its presence.
Truth is able to know that it is so.
You are life itself. And in this moment, the magnificent possibilities beckon.
-- Ralph Marston
Sunday, January 7, 2007
The Reason Why I Am So Motivated?
Check the following quotes from Will Smith:
1.) "For a long time now, I have been beyond anything that I ever dreamed. I just put my head down and run hard, and I am almost always surprised when I look up and see where I am."
That's so true with me..................
2.) "Most people you are going to be in competition with are not gonna give 100 percent. If you catch a bad day, you are going to run up against somebody willing to do 87 percent. You're still going to win. If you happen to run up against Michael Jordan, you are going to be better for losing. In one of my songs, I write, "The key to life is on a treadmill. I'll just watch and learn while your chest burns. Because if you say you are going to run three miles and you only run two, I don't ever have to worry about losing something to you." When I say I am going to run three miles, I run five. With that mentality, it is actually difficult to lose."
I have to get better with this..............
3.) "I consider myself to be of basically average talent, right? What I have that other people do not have is a sick, obsessive, raw animal drive."
I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY!
4.) "There is no pain worse than not achieving a dream when it is your fault. If God did not want you to have it, that is one thing. But if you do not get what you desire because you are lazy, there is no pain worse than that."
THIS IS WHY I WORK SO HARD! WHY I DO WHAT I DO!
1.) "For a long time now, I have been beyond anything that I ever dreamed. I just put my head down and run hard, and I am almost always surprised when I look up and see where I am."
That's so true with me..................
2.) "Most people you are going to be in competition with are not gonna give 100 percent. If you catch a bad day, you are going to run up against somebody willing to do 87 percent. You're still going to win. If you happen to run up against Michael Jordan, you are going to be better for losing. In one of my songs, I write, "The key to life is on a treadmill. I'll just watch and learn while your chest burns. Because if you say you are going to run three miles and you only run two, I don't ever have to worry about losing something to you." When I say I am going to run three miles, I run five. With that mentality, it is actually difficult to lose."
I have to get better with this..............
3.) "I consider myself to be of basically average talent, right? What I have that other people do not have is a sick, obsessive, raw animal drive."
I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY!
4.) "There is no pain worse than not achieving a dream when it is your fault. If God did not want you to have it, that is one thing. But if you do not get what you desire because you are lazy, there is no pain worse than that."
THIS IS WHY I WORK SO HARD! WHY I DO WHAT I DO!
Saturday, January 6, 2007
I Bought A Car
2007 Toyota Camry SE Fully Loaded and I'm in love already................More details to come!
Friday, January 5, 2007
WTF am I thinking?
The reason why I say that is because in between the madness that is my schedule my priorities are f'd up. Here is how?
1.) I am trying to buy a car. Now in order to not get "got" you really need to do your research and get your negotiate on. This is really a pain. I want a fully loaded car (Hey, I am in it often, so I might as well be comfortable.), plus a V-6 engine without losing my shirt. I think I am being unreasonable.
2.) As a record producer on a Friday night, I am at work instead of attending Gilbert Arenas' party. WTF?!?!?!? Basically I didnt let the right people know in time and its invite-only.
3.) I havent worked out since Wednesday. I guess this is ok since I worked out for 4 consecutive days prior in an actual gym and did several sessions on my Treadclimber at home prior to that. My body does need a break. Doesn't it?
4.) This is on top of my studio obligations which I cant say have been neglected since two tracks for an upcoming remix have been completed. (More details to come)
Basically I am blessed but I need to manage my life better!
1.) I am trying to buy a car. Now in order to not get "got" you really need to do your research and get your negotiate on. This is really a pain. I want a fully loaded car (Hey, I am in it often, so I might as well be comfortable.), plus a V-6 engine without losing my shirt. I think I am being unreasonable.
2.) As a record producer on a Friday night, I am at work instead of attending Gilbert Arenas' party. WTF?!?!?!? Basically I didnt let the right people know in time and its invite-only.
3.) I havent worked out since Wednesday. I guess this is ok since I worked out for 4 consecutive days prior in an actual gym and did several sessions on my Treadclimber at home prior to that. My body does need a break. Doesn't it?
4.) This is on top of my studio obligations which I cant say have been neglected since two tracks for an upcoming remix have been completed. (More details to come)
Basically I am blessed but I need to manage my life better!
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Rules when you come into the house of M Dizzle
1.) Please post a comment. Y'all wanted to know something about me. Here it is. Feedback is encouraged. Especially criticism! (LOL!)
2.) If your name is mentioned, don't get offended. I feel the way I feel for a reason. This is the uncut raw right here so get over it.
3.) Bookmark the link because typing it out everytime can get to be a pain. (http://gameofficial.blogspot.com)
4.) Expect the unexpected with my blog. There will be guest posts and they will come at unexpected moments in time.
5.) Please read all of the posts. They span multiple pages.
6.) There will be controversy. Guaranteed. It's the story of my life.
2.) If your name is mentioned, don't get offended. I feel the way I feel for a reason. This is the uncut raw right here so get over it.
3.) Bookmark the link because typing it out everytime can get to be a pain. (http://gameofficial.blogspot.com)
4.) Expect the unexpected with my blog. There will be guest posts and they will come at unexpected moments in time.
5.) Please read all of the posts. They span multiple pages.
6.) There will be controversy. Guaranteed. It's the story of my life.
10 Misconceptions about M. (#5 and #4)
5.) That I am not as busy as I say I am - A female associate from high school (not sure if I'll reveal her name) said this one. I really wanted to say to her, "B---- do you know who the f--- I am?" on some Rick James ish. Look in the United States we live in the rat race. We all are busy. Dont disrepect my hustle and I wont in turn disrespect your hustle.
4.) That I can read minds. Simply put, if you have something to say to me, Say it! If you want something then tell me what you want. I am a lot more responsive with clear and concise communication!
4.) That I can read minds. Simply put, if you have something to say to me, Say it! If you want something then tell me what you want. I am a lot more responsive with clear and concise communication!
Give a little kindness
I AM NOT THIS KIND, BUT I AM WORKING ON IT.........THE BIBLE SPEAKS ON THIS, BUT I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS SO...........
A negative attitude can be contagious. Fortunately, so can a positive attitude.
One of the biggest challenges of staying positively focused can come from the negative people who cross your path. Yet instead of letting them get you down, you can choose to lift them up.
When someone is rude to you, the most powerful response is not to reply with your own rudeness. After all, what would that accomplish?
Your best choice in such a situation is to respond with courtesy, kindness, consideration and understanding. Though it may seem strange and unnatural at first, it can have a profoundly positive impact on the situation.
Most people, when given the chance, will be glad for you to rescue them from their own negative momentum. When you come across someone who is clearly in a bad mood, you have the opportunity to be the best part of that person's day.
Seize that opportunity and make the most of it. When you give a little kindness, it can make a big, big difference.
-- Ralph Marston
P.S. - A few people that I could of been nicer to in life..........
1.) Shasha Courtney (Even though she deserved it from being full of ish, no one deserves to be called out like I do when I feel like I am right.)
2.) Chad Carter (I didnt mean to f--- him over but in 1993 it happened, I regret it, and thankfully my parents saved my a--!)
3.) Darrylynn Hutson (I truly regret this one! Whereever she is, I need to cut her a check!)
4.) Toni (She really deserved it, but like I said before, no one needs to be around me when I am both angry and hurt, which in and of itself, is rare!)
5.) A couple of dudes at Morehouse. (They know who they are. They looked out and I didnt reciprocate. That whole transition from a boy to a man was rough on me and I screwed over a lot of people in the process including myself!)
Quote of the Day:
"Not this time, but next time I'ma name names LL, shittin from on top of the game
I SHOT YA!"
- LL Cool J. "I Shot Ya" (Remix)
A negative attitude can be contagious. Fortunately, so can a positive attitude.
One of the biggest challenges of staying positively focused can come from the negative people who cross your path. Yet instead of letting them get you down, you can choose to lift them up.
When someone is rude to you, the most powerful response is not to reply with your own rudeness. After all, what would that accomplish?
Your best choice in such a situation is to respond with courtesy, kindness, consideration and understanding. Though it may seem strange and unnatural at first, it can have a profoundly positive impact on the situation.
Most people, when given the chance, will be glad for you to rescue them from their own negative momentum. When you come across someone who is clearly in a bad mood, you have the opportunity to be the best part of that person's day.
Seize that opportunity and make the most of it. When you give a little kindness, it can make a big, big difference.
-- Ralph Marston
P.S. - A few people that I could of been nicer to in life..........
1.) Shasha Courtney (Even though she deserved it from being full of ish, no one deserves to be called out like I do when I feel like I am right.)
2.) Chad Carter (I didnt mean to f--- him over but in 1993 it happened, I regret it, and thankfully my parents saved my a--!)
3.) Darrylynn Hutson (I truly regret this one! Whereever she is, I need to cut her a check!)
4.) Toni (She really deserved it, but like I said before, no one needs to be around me when I am both angry and hurt, which in and of itself, is rare!)
5.) A couple of dudes at Morehouse. (They know who they are. They looked out and I didnt reciprocate. That whole transition from a boy to a man was rough on me and I screwed over a lot of people in the process including myself!)
Quote of the Day:
"Not this time, but next time I'ma name names LL, shittin from on top of the game
I SHOT YA!"
- LL Cool J. "I Shot Ya" (Remix)
I'm Tired
'Nuff said! Its 5 AM EST and I am working! WTF! My name isnt Rick Ross, Mr. "Everyday I'm Hustlin'" LOL!
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
10 Misconceptions about M.
Well now that you have the 10 most important things, here are the 10 misconceptions:
10.) That I am quiet, shy, not talkative, dont chat, etc. - Listen betweem work, business, personal, and family I speak to a lot of people during the course of the day, a lot of times simultaneously. If I'm not talking to you, nine times out of ten, I am doing something else, multitasking or thinking about it.
9.) That I can be pigeon-holed into one particular thing. Why cant I be diverse?
8.) That I am a workoholic. You know what? If you give me Paris Hilton money, guess what? I'm not working, I'm partying and my crew will be with me!
7.) That I am a control freak. There are a few fundamental truths in life. 1.) You cant truly control a woman and 2.) Life cant be controlled. Sometimes its completely unpredictable!
6.) That I am a nice guy. Well for the most part I am. But you dont want to see my mean streak. Reason being, I dont forgive and forget easily.
Well I am stuck, I'll complete this later!
10.) That I am quiet, shy, not talkative, dont chat, etc. - Listen betweem work, business, personal, and family I speak to a lot of people during the course of the day, a lot of times simultaneously. If I'm not talking to you, nine times out of ten, I am doing something else, multitasking or thinking about it.
9.) That I can be pigeon-holed into one particular thing. Why cant I be diverse?
8.) That I am a workoholic. You know what? If you give me Paris Hilton money, guess what? I'm not working, I'm partying and my crew will be with me!
7.) That I am a control freak. There are a few fundamental truths in life. 1.) You cant truly control a woman and 2.) Life cant be controlled. Sometimes its completely unpredictable!
6.) That I am a nice guy. Well for the most part I am. But you dont want to see my mean streak. Reason being, I dont forgive and forget easily.
Well I am stuck, I'll complete this later!
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
10 Most Important Things To Know About M.
You know its 2:20 am and I am not ready to talk about the death of my uncle yet. But since those of you that are new to me need to know a little something about me, here are the 10 most important things:
10.) I am an exceptional, but extremely flawed individual. For example, I am addicted to sweets and eating late at night. But I can be the most intense, persistent person that you've ever met. I believe in ideals, but you can find a lot of contradictions in my life. (By the way, I dislike that about myself.)
9.) Dont bother me during football season. If its Sunday after 12 noon, unless its an emergency or your name is JP Hill, calling me is very problematic.
8.) I like technology. If you don't. Get over it. It's what I do. I'm a network engineer and I have a recording studio. It isnt going anywhere! Nuff said.
7.) I love my house. Why? A good reason is because I love my space. Like Ludacris said, "I dont have to go to party, I bring the party to me."
6.) I am a very literal person. I may speak generally or figuratively about something, but if you tell me something, unless I understand otherwise, I am pretty literal. A funny story that illustrates this. "When I was little, my mom, older sister, and I were in a department store and my mother and sister were looking at some clothes. My mother told me to sit on the bench. Well they finished browsing and walked off and I was still sitting there. They got to the other end of the mall, when my mother asks my sister, "Where is Malcolm?" So they go to search for me and here I am still sitting on the same bench. When they found me, my mother, now pissed, asks me, "Why didnt you follow us?" I said, "Because you told me not to move?" I'm not that bad, but its pretty close.
5.) I am a successful person and at 32, and I dont need anyone to tell me that. However, being stereotyped urks the ish out of me. Wonder why I'm up this late, its because the following people motivate me through either stereotyping statements, betrayal, incorrect conclusions, or they flat out told me that I couldn't accomplish something. Here are the working list:
a.) Bill Liberti
b.) All the kids in Madison, Wisconsin who ever called me a nigger
c.) Faith Nettleford
d.) Tammika Thompson
e.) Ricco Robinson
f.) Carl Brown, Walt Leach, and Mike Svhira (Yeah I know its three, but its for good reason!)
There are five more names, but I cant name them because some are family members, and some I just dont remember.
4.) I love music. It documents moments in time and captures emotions when effective.
3.) If I consider you a friend, then you are a friend for life. Loyalty and a belief in each other is a premium for me.
2.) I am who I am because of the mentors in my life. They believed in my potential and were willing to invest in me when no one else would. They are:
a.) Donnie Linton
b.) Fred Toney, Jr.
c.) Dallas Austin (though he may not believe it if you asked him)
d.) Mom and Dad
e.) JP Hill, III
I cant disappoint them, even though I have already done so on numerous occasions. But I am working to fix that.
1.) I dont go to church as much as I should. However, God continues to bless me. I am working on that, but I need to work harder on it.
10.) I am an exceptional, but extremely flawed individual. For example, I am addicted to sweets and eating late at night. But I can be the most intense, persistent person that you've ever met. I believe in ideals, but you can find a lot of contradictions in my life. (By the way, I dislike that about myself.)
9.) Dont bother me during football season. If its Sunday after 12 noon, unless its an emergency or your name is JP Hill, calling me is very problematic.
8.) I like technology. If you don't. Get over it. It's what I do. I'm a network engineer and I have a recording studio. It isnt going anywhere! Nuff said.
7.) I love my house. Why? A good reason is because I love my space. Like Ludacris said, "I dont have to go to party, I bring the party to me."
6.) I am a very literal person. I may speak generally or figuratively about something, but if you tell me something, unless I understand otherwise, I am pretty literal. A funny story that illustrates this. "When I was little, my mom, older sister, and I were in a department store and my mother and sister were looking at some clothes. My mother told me to sit on the bench. Well they finished browsing and walked off and I was still sitting there. They got to the other end of the mall, when my mother asks my sister, "Where is Malcolm?" So they go to search for me and here I am still sitting on the same bench. When they found me, my mother, now pissed, asks me, "Why didnt you follow us?" I said, "Because you told me not to move?" I'm not that bad, but its pretty close.
5.) I am a successful person and at 32, and I dont need anyone to tell me that. However, being stereotyped urks the ish out of me. Wonder why I'm up this late, its because the following people motivate me through either stereotyping statements, betrayal, incorrect conclusions, or they flat out told me that I couldn't accomplish something. Here are the working list:
a.) Bill Liberti
b.) All the kids in Madison, Wisconsin who ever called me a nigger
c.) Faith Nettleford
d.) Tammika Thompson
e.) Ricco Robinson
f.) Carl Brown, Walt Leach, and Mike Svhira (Yeah I know its three, but its for good reason!)
There are five more names, but I cant name them because some are family members, and some I just dont remember.
4.) I love music. It documents moments in time and captures emotions when effective.
3.) If I consider you a friend, then you are a friend for life. Loyalty and a belief in each other is a premium for me.
2.) I am who I am because of the mentors in my life. They believed in my potential and were willing to invest in me when no one else would. They are:
a.) Donnie Linton
b.) Fred Toney, Jr.
c.) Dallas Austin (though he may not believe it if you asked him)
d.) Mom and Dad
e.) JP Hill, III
I cant disappoint them, even though I have already done so on numerous occasions. But I am working to fix that.
1.) I dont go to church as much as I should. However, God continues to bless me. I am working on that, but I need to work harder on it.
The Vacation That Wasnt A Vacation
All,
I am tired! I am supposed to be at work right now, but between working out, houseguests visiting until late, and the holiday moving very quickly, I decided to chill at the house for a while before starting the new year. Just ease into the new year I guess........ Oh well! I'll elaborate on who I am and future blog expectations later, lol!
M.
I am tired! I am supposed to be at work right now, but between working out, houseguests visiting until late, and the holiday moving very quickly, I decided to chill at the house for a while before starting the new year. Just ease into the new year I guess........ Oh well! I'll elaborate on who I am and future blog expectations later, lol!
M.
Monday, January 1, 2007
Happy New Year!
New possibilities
A new year is here. It's a great opportunity to re-examine your assumptions, and to get rid of the ones that no longer make any sense.
Assumptions can be very useful because they free you from having to think through every little detail. Assumptions are a practical way to make positive use of your extensive past experience.
Remember, though, that change is a constant part of life. People change, conditions change, the world changes, and all those changes can quickly make your assumptions obsolete.
Outdated assumptions can keep you stuck when there's really no reason for you to be stuck. Outdated assumptions can prevent you from connecting with good and valuable things that are easily within your reach.
As you go through each day, make note of the assumptions you rely upon. Select a few of those assumptions and seriously challenge them.
You'll find limitations you thought you had that are no longer there, and opportunities you never knew about that are now open to you. As the new year begins, free yourself from outdated assumptions, and you'll find all sorts of new possibilities popping into view.
-- Ralph Marston
THE BOY IS BACK IN THE '07
A new year is here. It's a great opportunity to re-examine your assumptions, and to get rid of the ones that no longer make any sense.
Assumptions can be very useful because they free you from having to think through every little detail. Assumptions are a practical way to make positive use of your extensive past experience.
Remember, though, that change is a constant part of life. People change, conditions change, the world changes, and all those changes can quickly make your assumptions obsolete.
Outdated assumptions can keep you stuck when there's really no reason for you to be stuck. Outdated assumptions can prevent you from connecting with good and valuable things that are easily within your reach.
As you go through each day, make note of the assumptions you rely upon. Select a few of those assumptions and seriously challenge them.
You'll find limitations you thought you had that are no longer there, and opportunities you never knew about that are now open to you. As the new year begins, free yourself from outdated assumptions, and you'll find all sorts of new possibilities popping into view.
-- Ralph Marston
THE BOY IS BACK IN THE '07
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